i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
