Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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