Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
