Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
