The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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