Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
