I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
