I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
