I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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