If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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