At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
