yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
