why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
