I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
