he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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