i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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