Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My pussy is not your playground.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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