Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
