she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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