Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
