she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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