its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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