walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
