So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
