I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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