yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
