dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
