Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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