so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
