you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
