I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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