And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
