she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
