After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
