My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize