for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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