i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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