I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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