i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
