i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
