I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
