He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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