Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
