It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
