two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
