I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
