Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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