I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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