What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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