he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
