i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
