if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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