too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
