end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
