You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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