Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
