Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
