and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
