I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
