my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
