don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
