We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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