omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just want nice things and good sex
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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