Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
