I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
